Real Moment

I was encouraged and revived.  Eager to continue the day.  Excited to live my Saturday.

I walked through the doors to my job, pulled off my scarf (cuz it wasn't black), grabbed my gear and headed down to check the deck.

A slight irritation with a coworker, some selfish thoughts and attitudes; just like that my glad heart gave way to resentment, and frustration.  Just one hour from rejoicing in the daily, I was now wanting to shut down and just leave.

I knew something needed to change.  So I crept behind a large set piece, knelt down with my head on my knees and did the only thing I knew to do - talk to my Jesus.

Tears fell, of course.  I unburdened my heart to the One who knew my thoughts already.  I didn't speak thanksgiving, I mumbled and complained.  But I wasn't pretending.  Not anymore. I felt alone.  My close friends on deck, the ones who speak truth and life into my soul, they weren't there anymore.  I was discouraged and I poured this out into my Jesus' ear.

These moments alone, these seconds of realness, I think these are the ones that Jesus longs to be a part of, because they are the real me, the genuine me.  But He doesn't want me to stay there.  I can't be ok with just wallowing in my hard moments.  He's calling me up and out.

So I took a deep breath.  And then another one.  I texted my friend to pray.  I tried to think of a couple things to be grateful for, and found out there were many to speak out loud.  Because if I'm willing to complain verbally, I better be able to give thanks in the same way.

I didn't have a magical transformation.  I had to swallow my pride and have a difficult conversation with the coworker who hurt my feelings, but it was more my fault then his. I had to work three shows while feeling tired and alone.

But Jesus was with me.  His strength was sufficient.  He is who He says He is - praise Jesus for the gospel.  Praise Him that He works through and in my weakness.

The end of my day was much different than the beginning, thanks to the grace of Jesus.