Wednesday, October 23, 2024

Of Breakfast and Babies

I swung my feet over my bed and grumbled. 

I didn't want to make breakfast for my mother this fine fall morning. I wanted to walk down the stairs in my Vine St. apartment, grind my coffee, crack two eggs, listen to loud music drive by outside and go to work.

But then I stopped. I remembered that I had told my friend not too long ago that I couldn't wait to make breakfast for a man someday. To get up every morning and fix his eggs with mine. To have coffee brewing and just enjoy taking care of someone.

Here I am making breakfast for someone I love - not a man, but my mama. 

Tears ran down my brothers face as time stood still, his role as father now begun in earnest. Sweet baby Charlotte was snuggled up on her mama, baby feeling her mother's skin for the very first time. "You're so cute, you're so cute" were the lowly whispered words as my sister-in-law began to grasp the reality that she had powerfully and willingly pushed a new life into the world. A sacred moment.

I wanted it. I wanted the moment to be mine. To do something hard, to hold a baby and know that it is mine to invest in for years to come. Tears rolled down my cheeks, awe mixed with longing. I asked Jesus to be with me in that moment.

Jesus gently reminded me; to be a doula is a moment that is mine. It is to do something hard, to encourage, to empower and to invest. To be an aunt is to love a baby, a toddler, a teenager. All the sweet chubby and innocent faces of my nieces and nephews - they are mine to love, to cherish and to invest in. Could this also be sacred?

The dreams of my heart are not lost on my Jesus. The fulfillment of my dreams is not mine to decide, but how I enjoy this moment, that is mine to decide.

So I cry and I laugh. I search for the good, the meaningful and even, sometimes, the partial realization of my hearts desire. 







1 comment:

  1. This is lovely. I love your heart! Embracing both the pain and the joy, the grace and the grief in your season is such a beautiful testament to God’s goodness in your life. ♥️

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