How my doula dream was born

 "I can't do it. I'm not ready to be a mother."

Her eyes were wide and full of fear. Her hand gripped mine like a vice, not letting go.

"It's ok, honey, let's take a deep breath together. I know you're scared, but your body knows what's happening, the nurse is right here. I know you're strong, I know you're capable, and I know you have what it takes to be a mother."

A calm washed over me as I watched her eyes, too scared to cry, search for peace. She had no idea what was happening. This pregnancy was unexpected and unplanned. 

Her body pressed on, fully in control. We breathed together. I spoke soothing words into her ear and encouraged her to work with her body, not fight against it. Her breath came fast, but now measured. Her eyes were full of fear but slowly a focus took over. Her hand never stopped squeezing.

It was in these moments that I felt a sense of purpose, joy and excitement. Of course birth is full of intensity, challenge, pressure, pain and it was hard to see this girl try to grapple with it all in that moment. But we were together and I understood to a whole new measure what a calm and kind presence can do.

"I did it. I can't believe I did it."

"He's beautiful. He's mine." 

She wept as her little baby boy was placed against her skin. She looked up to me, the tears finally set free, and mouthed "thank you."

I left hours later and typed "how do I become a doula?" into google. 

As I look back on that birth I often wish I knew more or had more tools and supports to assist my friend as she experienced her first birth. But I wasn't a doula. I didn't have any training, I was only standing by her side to be there when she had no one else. But now I know more, and I never want to stop learning.

I am deeply grateful that she allowed me to be part of her birth story, that she invited me in to that sacred part of her life. I treasure that moment. It shaped me and inspired me.

Now as I look at my completed certification my heart and mind are full of ideas on what to do next and how to take steps to support more women as they bring life into the world - especially those that have no one else.