Memory

 Memory.

It comes and it goes.

Yet it's vital to our existence. What do we do when it starts to fade?

I clamor inside my brain. Trying to find a way to help her remember. But the harder I try to worse it gets. It's like explanation brings confusion. Words that are meant to clarify don't.

I watched my grandmother. Her mother, my grandmother. I watched disease eat away at memory. When memory leaves does love remain? Can you love if you don't remember?

If my mother follows her mother, will she remember me? Grandma didn't, will my mother?

Health is a choice, I can't choose for her.  So if love is attached to memory and memory goes without asking is love then the result of her own heart, or just because she remembers?

But love comes from God. He knows love, He knows me. He knows my mother and my grandmother. God knows hearts. He knows what their hearts remember, what their minds forget. God never forgets. He always remembers.

So I will remember, while I have memory. Because maybe memories are a result of moments spent with those you love. And you remember because you love. So if the memory goes away, the love still remains, even if you don't remember.

So you can have love without memory. Because God loves and always remembers. 

2024 - God is Enough

In September I began to pray for a theme for 2024. 

I can't remember when the answer came, but I felt it clear and strong - God is Enough.

I didn't like it.

I told God that I didn't like it and "why can't He give me a theme that is fun and exciting?" Hmm, maybe that's a matter of perspective

Little did I know that I would like it less as January progressed. Jan 16th I looked up moving trucks. $1440 + fuel. There goes my stuff. I had just put in notice for my job, there goes my career. I'm about to say goodbye to the people and spaces I've called mine for the last decade, there goes my security and identity. God is enough. Really?

I sobbed into my pillow. Packing all my stuff in my RAV4 was going to mean giving most of my things away, plants, hobbies, clothes. I called my brother, John. As I was lamenting over the phone I just stopped and listened to myself. Goodness. Yes, things can be important, but my attitude was down-right childish. Do I believe that God is Enough?

Time will tell.

My brother Josh has since called and arranged everything to help me move. I did go through and get rid of so much stuff, but I still have the clothes on my back and enough boxes in my basement to fill my RAV4 and a pickup truck. I'm grateful.

God is Enough. Even if I had to give it all away. Even when I had to give a lot away.

The future is staring me in the face and I can't see past this coming Saturday. 

Will God be Enough? I'm banking on it.