Eyes To See

I tattooed it on my wrist years ago. Eyes to See. Little did I know that it would still be speaking now.

Eyes to see.

"Eyes to see and ears to hear." It'll take me a lifetime to learn the first one, or maybe one leads to the other?

Eyes to see life from a different perspective. Eyes to see my mama as she is now. Cherish what was but embrace what is now.

Eyes to see God working all around me. 

Eyes to see the beauty in the mundane. 

Eyes to see the value that is sitting together, sometimes words, sometimes not.

Eyes to see the promise before the blessing comes.

Eyes to see disappointment and be thankful.

Eyes to see... and eyes that sometimes can't because the tears. Tears mixed with hurt and love. Often I can't tell the reason for the brimming that happens daily. 

But there is one who has Eyes that see it all. All of it. He sees me and He holds my tears in a bottle. He calls me closer and He comes even closer. He invites me to come and cry in His arms; come and laugh in His embrace. If I sit with Him a little longer perhaps I'll learn to see deeper. Perhaps, no I'm certain, He will give me His eyes to see.

3 Week Update

It's been over three weeks since my RAV4 pulled away from Vine St, Lancaster, PA.

Mom and I have settled into a routine. I'll write more on that later as it can be so encouraging and so depressing at the very same time. A paradox of sorts. So much of life is a paradox. Two opposites that are true at the same time. How does one manage the tension well?

Highlights

All the baby snuggles and kiddo kisses 
(14 local nieces & nephews)

Slow morning routine with my mama is coming together

Bedroom set up and cozy

Outdoor workout shed cleaned & I completed my first workout yesterday

Micro-seeds started on the kitchen window

Garden plot scoped out and plans in the making

Wedding dress picked out with the sister

Lots of moments of quiet and reflection

Walks through the woods as spring emerges

Warm wood stove mornings as spring taunts and evades us

Pansies planted on the front porch

Cleaning schedule outlined for the house

Two job applications

&

Countless special moments with my parents. I prayed for months in advance that our times together would be sweet. It's beautiful.

Challenges

How do I live in the moment when it feels like wasting time?

Does frying eggs and chopping salad fixings while having the same two chats for the 13th time with mama... does it matter in light of eternity? 

I miss the safety and calm of my Sunday morning worship service and community. I miss the predictable Saturday mornings at market. I miss the friends that know me, understand this version of me.

How does one find a new church when you never wanted to leave the old one? How do you embrace a new culture and leave judgement and skepticism at the door while still having preference and opinion?

Is my life on hold or maybe this current now, maybe this has purpose and beauty right here and now?

How do I find a job? I realized that I've never actually job hunted in my life. And it's probably on my list of least favorite things ever.

-----

My life looks very different then two months ago, but I have confidence that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Jesus is very patient with me as I muddle my way through the days. All the little joys are all around -- and God is giving me eyes to see.