Wednesday, February 20, 2019

When a TV Show Inspires You

I piled another blanket on top of my feet, grabbed my Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, pressed play on the next NCIS episode.  It had been a long day and I was ready to enjoy a favorite show.

The minutes flew by as I found myself oddly involved in this episode.  One of the characters, Jimmy, was on a ledge, trying to talk a stranger out of jumping.  With one hand on a pipe for safety and another on the belt of the jumper, this man stayed for hours on the ledge, trying to save this man.

Life hung in the balance.

Jimmy recounted stories of dark times in his life.  He tried to inspire this young man that life was worth living.  Quoting phrases and sharing stories, he used the impact others made on his own life in order to impact the one beside him.  He used his own darkness to bring light to another.

It's just a tv show, yes, but I'll admit to you, I was crying by the end.  Crying because I know people going through some tough stuff, hard circumstances and difficult relationships.  Crying because I've had people admit they didn't feel like living anymore. Crying because God uses lives to impact lives.

And then Jimmy said this to his new found "friend".

"When you're going through hell, keep on going."

And then I cried a little more.  Because life is hard.  Really hard sometimes. And that's when we need a friend to remind us to keep on going.  Not to give up.  Keep pressing forward. 

To keep going.

And my heart was filled with a little bit of hope.  I have friends in my life who need me to sit beside them, one hand on a pipe for safety and another on their belt.  I can remind them "when you're going through hell, keep on going..." but you won't go alone.  I'm beside you.

But my hand isn't holding on to a physical pipe, my hand is holding on to Jesus.  And instead of coming up with clever phrases and feel-good quotes, I can whisper the living and active Word of God.

Jesus will use you in the life on another.  Just take a deep breathe, wrap your hand around the safety of God and His word and grab the belt of a close friend.  Maybe use words, maybe just be there.  Both will make a difference.

"The LORD is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His anointed one." Psalm 28:8

Monday, February 18, 2019

A Bit of Happy

The season I find myself in often seems difficult.  Hard.  Long.  Pointless.

So a bit of a gratitude pick-me-up is needed.
Right now, today, this moment, in the midst of my mess, what am I grateful for about my Jesus, and then about my life?

His love
it covers me when I least expect it
Nearness in the stillness
He is my Victory
My Provider
My Teacher
and He's Sovereign
----
Cozy naps and soft blankets
Peanut butter
The enthusiastic call of my name from a friend I haven't see in a while
Smiles
Wearing normal clothes (i.e. not wearing black every day)
Laughter

Here's to a Monday full of real life and happy choices. *crosses fingers*

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Love Day

“I just hate this holiday.”

My coworker muttered this under his breath to me this evening. 

“Why?” I replied, genuinely curious. 
“People should show love everyday, we shouldn’t need a holiday to show someone we care.”
“Then why do we have birthday gifts and anniversary parties? Why do holidays even exist?”

Maybe because people deserve to be noticed, lives should be remembered and love ought to be celebrated. 

It would be nice to show intentional love everyday. But life is crazy, it’s mundane, it slips by fast and before we know it the people we love the most get caught up in the ordinary, the daily.

So why not have a day to celebrate love? A day to single out the people that we love the most. A day to spoil those we care about. And a day to slow time down by being grateful.

A Hallmark holiday, sure, but after all it’s the heart that matters. We don’t need a holiday to show someone we care, but it helps to be reminded. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

When You Love So Much It Hurts

I care.  I care so much that my heart hurts.
We sit over coffee and I listen.  I try to really listen. To listen with my heart, not just to create a response.
Thoughts and feelings flood my soul.  I lean in.

The coffee mug is now empty, but my heart is full.
The day moves on, but my heart is stuck.

I can't fix it.  I'm helpless.  The problems, these heartaches, they are bigger than my ability.  Because let's be real, I think I can help people, but really it's only Jesus who has power enough to restore and redeem.

Trusting Jesus with the lives of those I love is harder for me than trusting Him with my own life and decisions.

But that's what He is asking me to do.  Trust Him.  Open my hand.  Listen and love and and then lift them to my Jesus.  Pray and pour out my heart to the One who loves them more.

Sometimes I need to lean in and take action.  And then sometimes I need to take a step back and pray.

For a girl who likes to do, to accomplish, to see things happen, to be a changer.  Nothing is harder than doing nothing.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

I Begin Again

I took a break.  A year and a half, actually.

But I miss this space. 

I miss writing.  I miss sharing my heart.

I am quite a different girl then when I last wrote words from my heart in this space.  I think that's okay.

I'm not telling anyone I'm back.  Because I don't care anymore if anyone reads these words.  They are for me to express what my Jesus is doing.  It's a creative outlet for me to look back on and reflect.

I'll read these words again, and I want them to be real.  I long to write words that come straight from my heart.  No more fake-ness and pretending.  Not that what I wrote before wasn't real, but Jesus is teaching me lessons that rip my heart open a little wider.  I bleed pride, shame, stubbornness and selfishness out, and He pours grace, love and hope back in.

If I post once, or 100 times, I don't really care.  I just want to write.  I want to put into words the tears that fall weekly, sometimes daily.  The lessons learned and all the lessons that I don't want to learn.  The success and the fails.  And maybe a couple real-life pictures that I'll look back on and just shake my head.

Because this year, I want to Lift Up My Eyes.  And when I gaze into the face of my Savior, sometimes words just come pouring out.